I am Women by Helen Reddy came on the radio today and it actually brought a tear to my eye. Not because I feel persecuted as a women, far from it. I feel lucky to have been born into a family, in a time, in a country that celebrates women and sees them as equals. It did make me realise, however, what came before me and what is still happening in other parts of the world. The fact that I got emotional about it made me think about my own mental health. It was the second song I had cried at today and since having Samuel I am definitely more emotional in terms of crying at daft things.
People who know me will say that I’m a positive person. I could put a positive spin on the worst case scenario. At work I am known for being laid back and the one that doesn’t let anything phase her. However 4 years of trying and failing to conceive definitely took its toll mentally as well as physically. In that time I had some horrendous panic attack’s and every month my period arrived would leave me devastated. When I was on fertility tablets I was in so much pain that I would lay awake at night sobbing and that definitely had an impact on how I felt. When you have no control over what is happening to you it can leave you feeling incapable. I hid it well. Put on a brave face.
If anyone who knows me is reading this don’t worry I’m all good. Samuel definitely made everything I went through worth it. I would do a thousand times over for him. I just wanted to highlight that sometimes people who look okay are not okay and that we all deal with what life throws at us in completely different ways.